Groovy Granny Is No Dope

Illawarra Mercury

Tuesday January 19, 1999

with JODI ALLEN

Seven-year-old Jessie of Thirroul was delighted to receive a parcel from her Nanna in Orange through the post last Friday.

Her parents were a little less enthused with Nan's choice of present.

At first glance the enclosed bookmark look harmless enough, but a closer inspection revealed it was decorated with an elaborate illustration of marijuana leaves.

When Jessie's mum rang to inform her mother of her dopey gift, the ganja granny was unperturbed.

``Don't worry dear," she said.

``As long as she doesn't smoke it there won't be a problem!"

***

Generally a bride-to-be expects to be a little worse for wear after her hen's party.

Hung over? Sure.

Publicly embarrassed? Definitely.

Up on indecency charges? Only if you're the kind of girl that could be marrying into the Manson Family!

Then again, if you farewell the single life in ultra-conservative Beirut it doesn't take much to offend public morals.

The Lebanese newspaper As-Safir reported that a hen's night that featured a cake shaped like male genitals and a man in drag may land the bride-to-be and her friends in jail.

The ``hen" and her pals were charged with indecent behaviour after photos of the party appeared in a monthly magazine.

But wait, there's more!

The baker of the cake and the man who appeared in drag also were charged.

The unidentified bride, who previously had lived in a Western country for 17 years, was quoted as saying she was surprised to learn such parties were prohibited in Lebanon.

As-Safir said the defendants could be jailed for anything from one month to one year if convicted.

I know hen nights are meant to celebrate the end of bride-to-be's freedom, but this is ridiculous!

***

It amazes me that with all the goings on in the halls of power Americans even need soap operas.

US politics continually throws up far-fetched storylines of which even Aaron Spelling would be proud.

First there was the Bill and Monica show ... like interns through the oval office, so are the White House lies.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder up pops the election to decide the Governor of Minnesota.

Yanks have always been partial to voting former actors into government, a la Ronald Reagan and Sonny Bono, but who would have thought a retired professional wrestler could become the newest US governor?

Jesse ``The Body" Ventura, one-time star of the greatest soap opera of them all in the World Wrestling Federation (WWF), is the latest celebrity to sweep into public office.

The man who traded body slams with adversaries like The Junk Yard Dog, Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper, has traded in his lycra wrestling trunks for a three-piece suit.

One of his first official duties since being voted in as Governor of Minnesota was to throw an inauguration ball that was every bit as unorthodox as his campaign.

Governor Ventura arrived at the soiree wearing pink wraparound sunglasses, a bandanna on his bald head, three earrings and a Jimi Hendrix T-shirt.

His wife wore leather ... black leather.

In a move reminiscent of his WWF days, Ventura kicked off proceedings by grabbing a microphone and booming ``The Body's back for tonight. Thank you, everyone. Let's party Minnesota".

His supporters, more than 13,000 of them, loved it.

Beer flowed more freely than champagne, and jeans far outnumbered tuxedoes.

Legions of Ventura fans like Tim Wones, 21, arrived wearing T-shirt bearing the slogan: ``The Governor is Ready to Rumble."

I can't wait for the first parliamentary debate.

***

I have said it before and I will say it again; whatever I do wrong in this life, may I never be reincarnated as the pet of a small child.

A recent report out of London detailed the eye-watering misfortunes of a family cat who had to undergo emergency medical treatment after its young owner tried a spot of amateur veterinary medicine.

The girl had received a toy vet's set for Christmas and decided poor old puss was in need of a thorough examination.

The moggy is recovering after real vets removed a plastic thermometer which became lodged in its bottom.

Meeowww!